Last Night

There is SO very much for me to write. See, writing is one of the primary ways that God gave me to communicate what is in my heart. But with that blessing and gift also come a responsibility that I do not maintain well. I find that when life is moving along at a steady but manageable pace I can write well and often. When life throws along the curve balls, however, I freeze! This is seen very much in my writing. It will stop for months at a time. There will be a few blips here and there where I am trying to make something happen and change, but by far my hands stay silent.

I am very much an "internal" processor. I told one of my close friends one day, "What can I say? I'm a PC, not a Mac." She thought it was cute, but something leaped in me to say that it was ok to be a PC...I just need to catch up to the PCs of today and get away from the 1970's giant processor that took all day to spit out one neat fact!

All of this said to say that I have been doing a lot of analyzing and processing without putting much out in the real world to say what's going on. As I mentioned in my most recent post, this year has been HUGE for me! On the surface it may seem like I have checked out, but inside...man oh man has furniture been moving around! My insides look entirely different...and the joy is that I know more is coming. I know that God will do what He wants with what I allow Him! I want to allow Him more!

So, as unexpected as last night was...I am so very thankful for all that happened! It would take me six hours and a 1000 page novel to really pour out everything that has taken place. I don't want to bore my readers or loose the true facts of what has happened so I am attempting to consolidate. Stories are important to me, as my dearest friends know. So this is a challenge!

The bottom line is that after the work that has been done over the last year and the victory of last night, God has more ownership in my life than I can ever remember Him having! There are things in my heart that have been my closest and most reliable companions that keep the Lord from really accomplishing all that He created me for! Things like fear, resentment, anger, bitterness, hatred, and the all-important unforgiveness. These spirits have been with me so long that I didn't even know how to really let go of them. They were nestled in places of my heart that I didn't even know could be accessed! Last night, God had the victory of pulling these things out of the depths of my being and replacing them with the truths that He has for me in their stead.

Here are some of the truths that were made known...that were realized in a new and fresh way last night.

1) I do not want to be a slave to fear! I am a mighty warrior for the Lord God Almighty. I no longer bow to fear, but stand with my head held high before my King, Jesus! It is done…fear no longer reigns!

2) Bitterness, anger, resentment, hatred, and unforgiveness are not my companions! They are death. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). These are some of his greatest weapons used, because we feel justified and somehow comforted in believing that we have rights to carry these. The truth of the Lord is that these weapons are bred from pride. Psalm 10:4 declares, "In his pride the wicked does not seek him (God); in all his thoughts there is no room for God." I don't like that this scripture applies to me. I like to set myself in the category of "righteous" not "wicked". I know however that my righteousness ONLY comes from the blood of Jesus! When I am walking along with my companions as the weapons of the enemy, I am not abiding in the righteousness of Christ. The Lord wants me to lay my pride down and trade in the weapons that the enemy has given me. His hearts desire is that I would know my righteousness - and that instead of allowing these tactics of the enemy to be my companions I would welcome His truth! In that truth, the fruit of Holy Spirit is bred; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (See Galatians 5:6-23)

3) I need to welcome sorrow into my life to truly experience the Joy that Father desires for me! This may sound strange to some. I am not saying that we all need to gather around and conjure up a cry-fest and then afterward we will mysteriously find joy. What Father is showing me is that there are many places in my heart that have been shut off to feeling the grief and loss that I need to feel for true healing of those places to occur. It isn't until I experience the grief in my heart (sorrow) that I will really be set free of the bondage that occurs. The picture given to me about this was an ATM. Strange, yes...but it made sense to my heart! An ATM works on the principle of being able to take out what you have already put in. You can't take out what you don't have. And furthermore, you will only get interest on what you have invested! Several places in scripture discuss the Lord replacing our sorrow with His joy. One of my favorites is Psalm 30. The whole chapter is worth meditating over, but below are verses 5b and 11-12.

“Sorrow may last for a night, but His joy comes in the morning. You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!”

So, last night I entered into a new place of freedom! Thank you Mighty Jesus! It isn't that these things just came to me and my thinking was changed. No! These things happened and my heart was changed! Somehow in the way that only God can do it, He conquered territory in my heart that I have never really been able to give Him by myself! He didn't steal it, either. He waited...and waited...and waited until I was ready to allow Him to move! He is so good! And He does all things well!