How Am I?

A friend of mine just sent me an e-mail asking how I have been. She hasn't seen me in a few weeks and wanted to check in. At first, I wrote the following response. I ended up only sending the first two sentences.

So to answer how I have been, the honest answer is not that great. The last couple of weeks have been really hard! My car finally died and so I have been without a car and I have been depending on other people to take me to and from. I HATE it!!!!! I am such an independent person that it is really hard for me to have to ask for help and rely on other people and justify going here and there and wait when I want to do something. Those have all been hard! But then you just begin to add in the money aspect and I feel like I have lost all grips on control! I was talking with another friend for a little today and the perfect statement came out. "It isn't really about the car. The car has just been the cherry on top of a sundae of being overwhelmed by finances. It's like I am reaching for band aids right now to try to cover a gaping wound that has arterial bleeding!" My head has been pounding for almost three weeks now it started as a migraine, but seems to be different and almost worse in the last week. It occurred to me last night that my blood pressure is probably high. I had a doctor's appointment. Sure enough my BP was 145/88! It's normally around 105-112/60. I thought "no wonder my head is hurting so bad. I'm about to have a stroke!" I just took an interesting combination of medication to slow my BP down and knock me OUT for the night. Maybe if I can just sleep sleep sleep I will feel a little better tomorrow!

Oh, and the results from the doctor's appointment weren't that great either. My inflammation markers are the highest they have been in 2 years. I get copies of my medical records for my own files - the doctor's dictations note "additional progression of advanced disease observed." My spirit crashed!