Tonight is one of those times that I have so much swirling in my head that I can't seem to still the noise long enough to allow myself to enter the blissful place of sleep.  So I write.  

I am definitely overwhelmed at the moment.  

I am trying to prove myself worthy to a new boss, all while also trying to close out a semester and 5 groups that I manage.  This involves about 20 caregivers and close to 100 children.  I have been at this job for 9 months, so I still have to remind myself that I am encountering "firsts" and that they can be hard. 

I am not only working this job, I am also working as a nanny a few days a week.  I LOVE the family and have known them since their first baby was well, a baby!  He is now 3!  But I find myself feeling overwhelmed by certain things here too.  

My house (that I lease) just got sold.  Well, it isn't sold just yet, but it is in contract.  The closing is set for May 11.  We have to be out my June 5th.  I HATE moving.  I know that most people do.  I just happen to traditionally feel inordinately insecure when it comes to moving.  For some reason, it stirs up chaos in me that I don't even understand.  Some people look forward to the next adventure.  For me, I just feel like my foundation is being pulled out from underneath me.  I liken it to those movie scenes you see where someone tries to pull a table-cloth out from underneath stacks of china dishes.  I feel like the china dishes.  And although the Lord has never aloud me to come crashing to the floor, the rattling and shaking makes me fear I will somehow get broken beyond repair.  

Even with all of these things that overwhelm me, I can see the love and mercy of God.  Yet still, I stir.  I strive.  I fret.  Why?  Why can't I just seem to lie down and close my eyes and allow the peace of my Lord to wash over me?  I don't know why it is so hard for me to just live through transition without feeling so alone.  Why is making life decisions so frightening?