How He Loves Us

In the last two months, I have been without a car of my own. I have been very blessed to have a couple of cars loaned to me during brief periods and friends who have provided rides when I didn't have a car. I have had to sacrifice a lot of independence, drop a lot of things out of my schedule, and do a lot of asking for things...none of which come easy to me. God could teach me a lot in any of those places. For instance, some light was shown on my lack of willingness to just ask for help when I need it. For all that God could possibly teach me in this situation, I celebrate to say that He has simply (or not so simply) been showing me that He loves me! He has been fathering me, and asking me to allow Him to do so!

Over the last two months God has been speaking to me about allowing Him to provide for me, and about asking Him not only for what I need but what I want. He has also been teaching me about why He values me! This isn't the first time that God has urged me in this, but this time it has been as if scales have been breaking away from my heart! God was speaking to me about this prior to my car dying - and it isn't my car dying that caused me to see. I think that it was just being in yet another place in my life where I am not equipped to solve the brokenness -- alone! I needed help and that meant I had to seek it. Right? Well, not exactly. Let me start with what my standard approach would have been a crisis of this sort...

Car dies. That day I cry and look at every financial obligation I have; I furiously look over the budget and lack of money and think "I just don't know where it will come from." I start praying and getting creative. The following day I call at least 10 places to ask about quotes on fixing the car and opinions on "which way to go". I continue praying and planning. I will come up with something! On day three, I have contacted a list of at least 10 people letting them know the situation at hand and letting them know the need and begin selling myself in whatever way they are able to provide financially...I will babysit, clean cars, clean garages, organize houses, do what you need me to do...I will earn my way. (By the way, I am not saying anything against working for the things you need...it's a good plan!) But in this situation, I knew that wasn't what God wanted from me! I am already very busy! I am already very tired! And, the more busy I get, the more tired I get, the sicker I feel, and the less I can do. Even more than that, God wants to teach me that He loves me and loves providing for me because He is my father! Sometimes, He just wants to give me what I want or need, because it brings Him great joy to do so!

So when this happened, what I heard from God was "Wait! Trust in me and let me provide. Ask me for what you desire! Don't I care for the lilies of the valley and the birds of the air? They don't earn what I give them. I just give to them because I know their needs. Let me know what you want so I can give to you what you desire!" So, I waited. Some times less anxious than others. But I haven't let myself believe that I had to make it happen! What God has been doing is teaching me how He values me not for what I do, but for who I am. He hasn't pursued me because of what I can offer Him! He pursues me because HE LOVES ME! He wants me to be secure in knowing that I am worthy, not because I can do any good work, but because He calls me child! I am a daughter of THE Most High King!

Friday night I got a call from one of the elders at my church who told me they have a car that was donated. It needs some repairs and is in the process of getting fixed right now. Nothing is certain as of yet, because the title hasn't been transferred, but I think I have a car! We spoke again this morning and it seems that everything is a go for now. I am very humbled! I am however, not surprised! Isn't God wonderful?