Like A Rushing River
It seems the last couple of weeks have been filled with valleys and mountains, one right after the other. I am tired! I feel like one minute I am crying out and asking God "why" and the next I am shouting out and rejoicing. I feel very worn out and fatigued, but I also still feel like I am grieving and mourning even when I am happy about something unrelated. It has just been weird! Through all of it, I seem to have been drawn to one particular song, "Like A Rushing River" by Misty Edwards. It seems to say what I can not. So, I thought I would share it. It is very long (about 10 minutes playing) but well worth listening to, in my opinion. Below are the words and once I figure out how, I will attach my MP3. It may just take a little while to decipher blogger directions.
Like a Rushing River
Misty Edwards
Like a rushing river am I
Like a raging torrent inside
I find that I’m full of knowing nothing
I find that I’m hungry for the fullness of Christ
Like a rushing river am I
Like a raging torrent inside
I find that I’m free falling again
I’m letting go of the mountain view
Letting go but wanting to
(repeat)
I’ve been crucified with Christ
I’ve been crucified with Christ
I’ve been crucified with Christ
Yet not I, for one thing I know
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
Just in time
And just in time
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
Just in time
It’s just a matter of time, time
It’s just a matter of time
So into your hands, into your hands I fall
Into your hands, into your hands I fall
Into your hands, so into your hands I fall
For you will make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
You make all things beautiful
Just in time
It’s just a matter of time, time, time
It’s just a matter of time, time, time
On you I wait
On you I wait
On you I wait, all of my days!
On you I wait
On you I wait, always
On you I wait, all of my days!
All of my days!
No one who waits on you will ever be ashamed
No one who waits will ever be disappointed
It’s just a matter of time
It’s just a matter of time
It’s just a matter of time
So calm down my soul
Calm down and know
Calm down my soul
Calm down and know
His yoke is easy
His burden is light
Is simply cost everything
But He’s not too mysterious
It’s not for the wise in their own eyes
It’s not for the mighty or the rich
But He has saved himself for me
He has saved himself for me
So calm down my soul
Just calm down and know
Just calm down my soul
Calm down and know
No one who waits on the Lord will ever be ashamed
For wisdom will be justified
In just a matter of time, time, time
It’s just a matter of time, time, time
And you will make all things beautiful
You will make all things beautiful
You will make all things beautiful
Just in time
It’s just a matter of time
It’s just a matter of time
Calm down my soul
Be quiet within me
And put your trust in God
From where your help comes from
From where your help comes from
Just calm down my soul and wait
It’s just a matter of time
It’s just a matter of time
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
A Wonderful Night
I had my Christmas party last night. It was so much fun for me! I was exhausted by the time people got here, from cleaning and cooking and getting everything ready. But, the excitement overcame and I had a blast! We had dinner together and then played games. Then we did a gift exchange and played more games. After everyone else left, my sister stayed and we hung out and talked until 5:00 in the morning! I can't believe it! It was such a wonderful night! I just feel very blessed right now!
I had my Christmas party last night. It was so much fun for me! I was exhausted by the time people got here, from cleaning and cooking and getting everything ready. But, the excitement overcame and I had a blast! We had dinner together and then played games. Then we did a gift exchange and played more games. After everyone else left, my sister stayed and we hung out and talked until 5:00 in the morning! I can't believe it! It was such a wonderful night! I just feel very blessed right now!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
A Little Disappointed
Today I had a doctor's appointment for a check up with my rheumatologist. I have been experiencing more pain and fatigue lately, so I knew it was likely that there may be some changes in my medications. The exam and tests confirmed that there is further progression of the RA and that the current immune therapy that I am on is not sufficient. I will continue taking the same medication, but will now have to give myself injections weekly instead of every other week. I will keep taking anti-inflammatories and cortisone for inflammation and pain management.
After I left the doctor, I just started crying in my car. I am not mad at God right now, but I am disappointed! I just don't understand! I wish I had a greater understanding of what God sees and what His plans for me are!
God, please be the comfort and understanding that I need right now! Please speak to the places in my heart that seem to be like roaring ocean waves in a storm. Spirit speak. "Peace, be still." I know Jesus, that you bore everything and you are no stranger to the pain, discontentment, or fear that I have. I also trust that in you, all things are made perfect. Please teach me what I need and continue to refine me more and more into your image. Lord, in all things I will praise your name! Let me know you and love you more and more!
On a very happy note, I am excited because I am having a Christmas party tomorrow night. I can hardly wait! I have a lot to do to get ready still, but I am just so excited to be able to have my friends come over! I love having friends over and being a hostess!
Today I had a doctor's appointment for a check up with my rheumatologist. I have been experiencing more pain and fatigue lately, so I knew it was likely that there may be some changes in my medications. The exam and tests confirmed that there is further progression of the RA and that the current immune therapy that I am on is not sufficient. I will continue taking the same medication, but will now have to give myself injections weekly instead of every other week. I will keep taking anti-inflammatories and cortisone for inflammation and pain management.
After I left the doctor, I just started crying in my car. I am not mad at God right now, but I am disappointed! I just don't understand! I wish I had a greater understanding of what God sees and what His plans for me are!
God, please be the comfort and understanding that I need right now! Please speak to the places in my heart that seem to be like roaring ocean waves in a storm. Spirit speak. "Peace, be still." I know Jesus, that you bore everything and you are no stranger to the pain, discontentment, or fear that I have. I also trust that in you, all things are made perfect. Please teach me what I need and continue to refine me more and more into your image. Lord, in all things I will praise your name! Let me know you and love you more and more!
On a very happy note, I am excited because I am having a Christmas party tomorrow night. I can hardly wait! I have a lot to do to get ready still, but I am just so excited to be able to have my friends come over! I love having friends over and being a hostess!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
What's In A Story?
I have several posts it "edit" mode. I think I may be feeling a little less than certain of my writing abilities these days. I'm not sure why, but I am just having a hard time letting go of my words. So right now, I am promising myself that I am going to complete this post and publish it...even if I don't think the words made their way onto the notepad in the perfect order!
I mentioned quite some time ago that I felt God was prodding me to spend some time preparing my testimony. I have had this sense of urgency on needing to have an account ready of how my relationship with God started and has developed. I think it is important for all of us. But this was something that I felt I needed to spend some time really focusing on and seeking how to put it all in order and getting comfortable telling people about. I think that was a big part of it! I need to feel comfortable - unashamed, humble, honest!
These are qualities that are important to me. The thing is, my "story" is full of places of shame - things that I generally feel safer hiding (or hiding from) and when I start sharing my testimony I get very uncomfortable sharing a lot of these places. A lot of it is that I am afraid of what people will think. I've said before that I don't think the point of telling a testimony is to unload every event in one's life, but rather to point to Jesus in that individual; to answer the question of who He is to that person, how that relationship came into existence, and how the individual has been impacted by that relationship. I think something people often struggle with in delivering a testimony is how to answer these questions without providing all of the details of their life. I also think that some of the most powerful testimonies I have heard are those where the person speaking is honest about the places God has redeemed or is in the process of redeeming in them. This is what I want to be able to do - without leaving people thinking I am screwed up!
So, I decided a few months ago that this was important and I needed to work on it. Then, in September my small group leaders said that around January they would like to have everyone give their testimony so that we could get to know each other a little better and see some of what God has done and is doing in the lives of our group members. We all agreed this would be a good thing, but didn't talk much more about it until recently. I worked on preparing my story, but figured it would be a while before I really shared it with anyone.
A couple of weeks ago I was on a ladies retreat with my church and it was amazing - throughout the weekend, I had many opportunities to speak with women and very naturally deliver pieces of who I am. I realized after the weekend was over, as I was reflecting back, that in the duration of one weekend and about 10 conversations I had almost completely delivered my testimony. It was SO awesome to me to see how God had prepared me for that time!
Not everything came out as perfect as I would like it, but then again we are talking about me...very little ever measures up to my expectations! It is one of my great flaws - I am a perfectionist! The fact is, it came out. And it happened in unexpected and natural ways. Now I have to put it all together and figure out what to keep in and take out for delivering it to my small group. We actually started sharing this week, but I am not sharing for a while. I think it will be in February. What would be really cool is if it ended up being March and it could be right around my 10 year anniversary of when I gave my life over to Christ! Wouldn't that be cool!?
I have several posts it "edit" mode. I think I may be feeling a little less than certain of my writing abilities these days. I'm not sure why, but I am just having a hard time letting go of my words. So right now, I am promising myself that I am going to complete this post and publish it...even if I don't think the words made their way onto the notepad in the perfect order!
I mentioned quite some time ago that I felt God was prodding me to spend some time preparing my testimony. I have had this sense of urgency on needing to have an account ready of how my relationship with God started and has developed. I think it is important for all of us. But this was something that I felt I needed to spend some time really focusing on and seeking how to put it all in order and getting comfortable telling people about. I think that was a big part of it! I need to feel comfortable - unashamed, humble, honest!
These are qualities that are important to me. The thing is, my "story" is full of places of shame - things that I generally feel safer hiding (or hiding from) and when I start sharing my testimony I get very uncomfortable sharing a lot of these places. A lot of it is that I am afraid of what people will think. I've said before that I don't think the point of telling a testimony is to unload every event in one's life, but rather to point to Jesus in that individual; to answer the question of who He is to that person, how that relationship came into existence, and how the individual has been impacted by that relationship. I think something people often struggle with in delivering a testimony is how to answer these questions without providing all of the details of their life. I also think that some of the most powerful testimonies I have heard are those where the person speaking is honest about the places God has redeemed or is in the process of redeeming in them. This is what I want to be able to do - without leaving people thinking I am screwed up!
So, I decided a few months ago that this was important and I needed to work on it. Then, in September my small group leaders said that around January they would like to have everyone give their testimony so that we could get to know each other a little better and see some of what God has done and is doing in the lives of our group members. We all agreed this would be a good thing, but didn't talk much more about it until recently. I worked on preparing my story, but figured it would be a while before I really shared it with anyone.
A couple of weeks ago I was on a ladies retreat with my church and it was amazing - throughout the weekend, I had many opportunities to speak with women and very naturally deliver pieces of who I am. I realized after the weekend was over, as I was reflecting back, that in the duration of one weekend and about 10 conversations I had almost completely delivered my testimony. It was SO awesome to me to see how God had prepared me for that time!
Not everything came out as perfect as I would like it, but then again we are talking about me...very little ever measures up to my expectations! It is one of my great flaws - I am a perfectionist! The fact is, it came out. And it happened in unexpected and natural ways. Now I have to put it all together and figure out what to keep in and take out for delivering it to my small group. We actually started sharing this week, but I am not sharing for a while. I think it will be in February. What would be really cool is if it ended up being March and it could be right around my 10 year anniversary of when I gave my life over to Christ! Wouldn't that be cool!?
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